“This has everything to do with him. This is about knowing the difference between right and wrong, between the truth and a lie. He took that away from you and if you can’t tell the difference, then you can’t trust anyone. And if you can’t trust, you can’t love.”—
I tried so hard. You know that right? I tried harder than you could ever imagine, and now here I am, trying my best just to forget everything. Every piece of you, the way you smell, the feel of your skin. I can still feel you. I think I always will.
& even though my gut said, “don’t trust him.” Even when my heart begged me not to let you break it again. And even still when my head told me that you couldn’t change, I ignored it. I let you back into my life, and I believed your promises and hoped that this was the time you had finally listened. You assured me that you wouldn’t go back to her, to treating me that, to acting like I’d never been there. Good god, I even prayed that you would finally see me like I saw you. But in the end I guess I was a dumbass for ignoring all the signs. So here’s to hoping that I’ll finally be able to cut you out of my life, because it’s not fair on me. I deserve so much better than you.
You’ve taught me and showed me many things. You’ve taught me I can love, that people can care about me. You showed me the feeling of being in someone’s arms when they mean the world to you. The feeling of compassion. So many wonderful things. Thank you for that. You’ve also showed me that people break promises, that people don’t always hold true to their word. You’ve taught me that you can love someone more than anything in the world, yet hate them just as much. That just because someone says something, that doesn’t mean it’s true. You’ve showed me how bad it hurts to have the guy you love and thought loved you push you away and treat you as if you are worthless. You’ve showed me wonderful things just as well as horrible things. I do thank you for both. You’ve now prepared me for the harsh world I am entering. People who say they care, but don’t always. Thank you for teaching me early.
I think life is simpler than we tend to think. We look for answers and more answers. But there are no answers. Things happen in life, good things and bad. People say, ‘why did it happen to me?’ Well, why not? Some people win the lottery, and others die in a car crash. It happens, and there is nothing we can do about it. The universe doesn’t care what happens to you.
The thing is we say these things now. And we know how crazy it is to be talking about a forever together, when we don’t know what forever holds. The thing about these high school relationships is, even through all the uncertainty, is even then there’s that one person you mean it to. You mean it more than you ever meant it before. And even though deep down you feel so special, you know its all cliché. You know people have been fooled before. You know people have been wrong before but you don’t care. It feels real. It is. For now. And the thing is it changes you. It really does.
I kinda miss the bond we shared. I mean, who wouldn’t miss that comfortable feeling with a person? Where we could talk for hours about everything, anything, and not have a problem with the silence in the middle. Can’t forget all the ridiculous stuff we did. Stupid or not, everything was just so fun. Endless nights, real talks, the “remember whens”, I remember it all. And it’s funny what life does, how it could just give you things and take it away so soon. I really can’t get it out of my head that you grow distant from people and that good things come to an end sooner or later. But along the way, I learned one good thing about life; it goes on, you just gotta pick yourself up and learn to keep up.
“I’m sorry things went so downhill. We were so sure things
were going to be amazing and spectacular, but now I’m
starting to see everything I didn’t want to believe.
I’m sorry I stopped loving you. I’m sorry you did, too.
Maybe things aren’t meant to be. I’m going to miss you,
but it’s time we hold our heads high, bite our lips and
get over each other. I think it’s the best way. Maybe
we’ll find someone better. Then again, maybe we won’t.”—<3
That’s the thing about having a broken heart.You wanna believe, but you’re just too afraid. Afraid to get close, that he’ll push you away. Afraid to trust, because you’ve only been hurt. Afraid to open up, because you’ve only ever been betrayed that way. You’re just afraid and it leaves a hollow, empty, aching feeling in your chest. One that just won’t go away because that’s how heartbreak works. It doesn’t go away until you’re healed by another. But that’s pretty hard if you won’t let anyone in.
Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is. Some things we just have to learn over and over again.
” To my beloved, think we need some time away. They say if you love it, you should let it out its cage and fuck it, if it comes back you know it’s there to stay. It’s tugging, at my heart, but this time apart is needed. “
..but all we do is fuck and fuss, over this and that & sucha and sucha - man, i think i gotta toughn up - love knocks you down but i feel like ive been suckered punch, but i love her like new money.. like how can i leave her? love is a bitch but everybody need her